i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Still dying that you shit outside
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
