i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
