Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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