No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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