It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
