the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
