I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
