Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
