so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize
