Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
