Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
