At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
