You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
