Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Randomize
