Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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