I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize