I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
