Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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