went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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