i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
