My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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