worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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