Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
