so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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