I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
