Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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