I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize