Kiss
Puke
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
