I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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