we're blogging at a bar
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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