You're so nebulous sometimes
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
