I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Randomize
