It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
