the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
