Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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