question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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