Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I was not drunk enough for that final.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
