i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I have already put on my inside pants.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize