3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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