rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
