On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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