I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
