He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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