Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
