If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
