Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
