please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
