Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize