You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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