And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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