2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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