Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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