you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Randomize
