I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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