question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
