p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
