I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
