My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize