Whod you bang
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
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