Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
