Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
