Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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