try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
