i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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