The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
