it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize