Do you still have your period?
She said her name was "party"
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Randomize
