I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
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