I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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