Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I want to be your penis for a week.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
