Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
