i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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