Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
